Peer Pressure: How Can My Teen Survive?



Posted: Sunday, November 16, 2008

by
Karen Vincent Coaching

Peer pressure can be a very frustrating concept for parents. As a parent you have invested a lot of time in your teenager so that they will make good, safe decisions and have the confidence to not be a "follower". The reality is, however, that most if not all teenagers succumb to peer pressure at some point during adolescence.

Peer pressure is being or feeling forced into a certain way of living, dressing, socializing, talking, acting and in general...being. Based on what we know about teenagers (they are trying to figure out who they are, are trying to break away from their parents and are in general very uncertain about where they fit in the world), it makes sense that they would fall victim to peer pressure. There are certain risk factors which make teens more susceptible to peer pressure. These include but are not limited to:

Low self esteem

Fear of other's their age

Lack of ties to true friends

Lack of confidence

Feeling isolated

Doing poorly in school

Not knowing where they fit in with their peers

As a parent there are certain things you can do and remember when feeling like your child is giving into negative peer pressure (lets remember that not all peer pressure is negative). These include the following:

  1. Teach your teen ways of getting out of situations or how to say "no" before situations even arise. Doing this ahead if time when emotions are not heightened will make this strategy more effective. Try giving your teen possible scenarios they may face and discuss how they can handle them. (They may tell you this process is "dumb" or that they won't ever be in these situations but we know they willso try to keep it non-threatening and try to have some fun with it while still making your point!)
  2. Remember that even if your teen seems like they are pulling away, they are still looking to you for some sort of approval or guidance. It is worth sharing your opinions in a non-confrontational way even if you think your teen does not want to hear them. They often times will surprise you and actually be interested, even if it is not how they present.
  3. Offer your teen opportunities to improve their self esteem and consistently reinforce their strengths. Having a positive self esteem makes combating peer pressure much easier during the teenage years.
  4. Talk to your teen about other adult supports they have in their lives. For exampleif they were feeling bullied or pressured at school, is there a favorite teacher, guidance counselor, etc. they could go to for support? It is important for teens to feel adult support for difficult situations which may arise.
  5. Work to maintain a positive relationship with your teen. Make time for them (even if it feels like they don't want your time they will know you are there), get to know their friends, be welcoming to their friends and consistently demonstrate an interested in their lives.
  6. Keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Again, they may not act like they care or like that is what they want but ultimately they are comforted by knowing you are there for them and that they can come to you if they really need to.
  7. If you have a really legitimate concern, express this to your teen openly and honestly but not in a confrontational manner. Being too confrontational will push them away but saying what you want to say in a supportive and caring manner can often be very effective.
  8. Rememberteens will make some mistakes along the way and as a parent you cannot shelter them from all their mistakes. Often times the stakes are much lower when making mistakes as a teenager so allowing for some mistakes (even if it is not easy to sit back and watch it happen) is critical to the process of growing up.
  9. Get support from other parents who have teenagers. Both psycho educational support and just having a place to vent and discuss the complexities of raising teenagers is important and helpful to parents.
Karen Vincent is founder of How To Parent A Teen and is a Certified Life Coach and Licensed Therapist. Karen has worked with teenagers and their parents for the last 15 years, helping them resolve their most challenging issues.

Karen has developed and conducted numerous parenting classes and support workshops specific to parents of teens. Karen has also created and presented training programs for professionals including teachers, therapists and counselors who work with adolescents throughout the country.

In her work, Karen works with parents of teens throughout the country who are experiencing difficulties in connecting with their teenage children and who are struggling to manage social, emotional or behavioral issues which arise during the teenage years.

To gain instant access to the FREE audio program titled 3 Powerful Strategies for Parents of Teenagers or to learn about additional coaching programs and products offered, go to www.howtoparentateen.com or call us at 1-888-272-1218.
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