Why Is My Teenager So Embarrassed By Me?



Posted: Friday, January 02, 2009

by
Karen Vincent Coaching

Why are teens so embarrassed of their parents? Well, the major reason is that teens don't find their parents to be cool or stylish (sorry but that is the truth!). Teens view their parents as "old" and generally not trendy and often times simply old fashioned. Now, that does not mean that as parents you are not cool and stylish, it just means that your teenager's perspective is that you are not. As for old fashionedwelloften teens think some of your rules are old fashioned and that maybe you are not dressing like George Clooney or Julie Roberts so thereforeyou are old fashioned! The point is that most of the time you are not doing anything at all to make your teenager embarrassed, however, because of the developmental stage they are in they just view you as embarrassing. They don't want to be seen with mom and dad at the mall, they want to be dropped off down the road from the dance, they don't want you to come in to pick them up at a friend's house and they certainly don't want you being involved in school events! They are trying to gain autonomy and having you too close by makes it seem like they are still quite dependent on you (which they are but don't want to admit).

There are certain situations where teenagers do have a valid reason to be embarrassed of their parent and these involve situations where parents intentionally embarrass their teen. I used to have a friend whose mother would drive us to dances. We would ask that she park a little ways down from the front door so that people did not see us getting out of her car which is something a lot of teenagers do. However, she thought it was funny to pull right up front, let us out and then honk the horn and yell, "have a good time". Talk about embarrassing!!! To her it was really funny and looking back now it seems really funny, however, as a teenager who is insecure, easily embarrassed, trying to gain independence and "look cool" it was anything but funny. I have also heard stories where parents show embarrassing pictures or tell embarrassing stories about their teenager to friends or boyfriends or girlfriends. This is generally devastating for teenagers who work tirelessly to build up an image and positive sense of self. There is a good chance that embarrassing stories will spread like wildfire around a school and the fear of that happening causes some teenagers a lot of anxiety and unnecessary stress.

The following are a few helpful tips for parents who are feeling like their teenager is embarrassed of them:

  1. Don't take it personally. It is a phase that teens go through and the majority of children begin seeking the companionship of their parents again in their early to mid 20's. Many adult children consider their parents their best friends.
  2. Don't try to explain yourself or prove yourself as "cool". It is not worth it and remember it is likely not about anything specific you are doing. Not trying to justify yourself will save you from further frustration.
  3. Check to make sure you are not actually doing anything embarrassing to your teenager especially in front of friends. If you find that you are (telling stories about them, babying them in front of friends, etc) you may want to think about changing what you are doing. Even though it is likely harmless, remember that teenagers are extremely sensitive and insecure and can be devastated by such situations.


Karen Vincent is founder of How To Parent A Teen and is a Certified Life Coach and Licensed Therapist. Karen has worked with teenagers and their parents for the last 15 years, helping them resolve their most challenging issues.

Karen has developed and conducted numerous parenting classes and support workshops specific to parents of teens. Karen has also created and presented training programs for professionals including teachers, therapists and counselors who work with adolescents throughout the country.

In her work, Karen works with parents of teens throughout the country who are experiencing difficulties in connecting with their teenage children and who are struggling to manage social, emotional or behavioral issues which arise during the teenage years.

To gain instant access to the FREE audio program titled 3 Powerful Strategies for Parents of Teenagers or to learn about additional coaching programs and products offered, go to www.howtoparentateen.com or call us at 1-888-272-1218.
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